Spring report: diary of a really desperate windsurfer

Once again the South of England has provided a serene tranquil milieu. With the early arrival of spring came the blossoming of the hedgerows and the prospect of………absolutely no feckin’ wind or waves. Once again the Lord smites the innocent windsurfer. I mean holy s#!t, what do have to do to get some wind round here.

I’ve got my finals exams starting in 6 weeks so I imagine that by the time you read this I’ll be kacking myself in an exam hall whilst you sods are planking about in gale force winds and mast high waves. You tax paying types (suckers) moan about students but I guarantee that come exam time the wind will kick in whilst I’m considering the prospect of the French Foreign Legion as my next employer. Anyway, nuff ranting, here it comes, my ONE windsurf of the month and in truth it was actually in April so I didn’t get out once in March.

Saturday 2nd April – Praise the Lord, wind.

In light of the news that I’m apparently entering Bigbury freewave competition in September, I thought I’d better set some goals for my windsurfing sessions and not just arse about on the water. After looking at some pictures of the standards set in previous years I think I might be a bit screwed.

All righty then, it’s been a while but let’s see how I go. The wind was a marginal easterly that dictated my 108L board and 7.5m rig which seemed like an unlikely freewave set up, but what the hell. I tried a variety of turny manoeuvres and jumpy stuff with little success. So what did I learn from this session? Well there’s no easy way to say this but, I’m crap and more likely to make sweet love to Cat Deeley than make it to Bigbury. There’s no way I’m going to improve without the aid of a professional. Hmm, Cat Deeley. I’ll er see ya later I’ve got the Pot Noodle Horn, I may be gone some time….